How do you "save face"?

In this clip from Modern Family, Mitch is trying to make Cam see how much Cam’s mother is invading Mitch’s space.  Mitch is looking for negative face from his mother-in-law but he isn’t receiving it, and feels awkward and uncomfortable so he can’t tell her.  Mitch just wants his space respected.  Mitch tries to make Cam visually see it happening so he will believe Mitch, but it isn’t working, so he has to take Cam aside and tell him he is feeling uncomfortable. 

            To further understand this interaction, I will use the SPEAKING method by Dell Hymes.  The setting is in Mitch and Cam’s home while Cam’s mother is visiting.  The participants would be Mitch and Cam, and Cam’s mother.  The event is Cam’s mother visiting and being too touchy feely with Mitch, when he wants his space.  The action would be Mitch feeling uncomfortable and violated by Cam’s mother, Mitch then tries to let Cam see it happen in action and fails, so then Mitch takes Cam aside to discuss the issue.  The key is one of the most important in understanding any interaction.  In this particular interaction, the key changes.  Overall, it has a humorous undertone because of the show, but it also has a tone of urgency Mitch is uncomfortable.  But once Cam finds out the key changes again to a somber, hurt tone.  The instrumentality or the medium of this interaction was simply open, one-on-one conversation.  The norms for this interaction would be understood as the difference between the way Mitch interprets his mother-in-law’s actions, and the way the mother interprets her own actions.  She thinks it is a way of showing her love and affection for her family, while he feels violated and thinks it is an inappropriate way to treat a son-in-law.  Finally, the genre of the interaction is, once again, a simple one-on-one conversation between Mitch and Cam. 

            I thought this was an interesting way to look at gaining negative face.  It is not always easy to get the point across that you need space, especially in this kind of touchy situation.  What can you do to show you need negative face in these tricky situations?  How do you use your words or non-verbal communication to get that point across without hurting someone’s feelings?

Fear in Words

                I recently watched a Barbara Walters special called “A Matter of Life & Death”, which discussed heart disease in America and celebrities who have had open-hear t surgery.  Barbara Walters spoke to six celebrities, including herself, who have undergone open-heart surgery, and have stories to tell.

                The celebrities included: Barbara Walters, Regis Philbin, David Letterman, Charlie Rose, President Bill Clinton, and Robin Williams.  Each had their own stories and warnings to tell fellow Americans.  It was interesting to hear each of their own speech in the way they told their individual stories.  But one word stood out to me.  Most of the participants said that the aftermath of the surgery was an “assault” on their body.  The word “assault” really stood out to me, especially that more than one person described the recovery that way, and they were all interviewed separately. 

                The word “assault” is defined as “a sudden violent attack”.  I guess I was expecting them to say it was painful and it was a long road, but each day got better; to have a positive spin on the whole experience.  However, they were not holding back and they used strong language.  The word “assault” got to me because I view that word as violent and bold.  Because of our society, I view that word as not only a physical attack, but an emotional and mental attack as well.  These celebrities were saying a lot by using one small word: “assault”. 

                I think the intention of the celebrities using that word was to place fear in the viewers.  They want them to be aware that heart disease is the number one killer of Americans, and we need to be keeping up with our doctor appointments and making sure we are healthy.

                The words mean nothing without the society placing meaning behind them.  Do we as a society do this more than we think?  Do we use our language to place fear in others?  Do we have that much power with only words?